New Years

Where do I begin? Where has this last year gone, I cant even begin to grasp where my life has taken me and how much I have learned and grown! What a beautiful beautiful beautiful life I have been blessed with! I have the most amazing friends and family a girl could ask for! At many times this last year I didnt know if I was going to make it, there were days that I didnt get out of bed and felt so alone in a world full of so many people! Giving up was the only option I saw at that time and my loved ones reassured me time and time again that I could do it! I am so much stronger today then I was at this time last year it simply amazes me. I didn't know someone could change so much over such a short period of time.

The year started off with a bang and ever challenge was knocking at my door I felt like it was a never ending story and rocks were just being thrown at me while I was down and as i look back today I am so thankful for all the challenges that I was able to experience cause without the pain I would NEVER know how good the beauty feels!

This year I got warmly welcomed into a home and a family that has changed my life forever! Tim (dad) & Samantha (mom) were my rocks and gave me so much to live for! They showed me things about love and life that I will carry with me forever! For the first time in my life I got to experience the Priesthood in my home and the blessings that it brings and it is a beautiful thing and something I will be eternally grateful for! I was so blessed with a mom and dad who loved me and showed me so much growing up and heavenly father thought that it was just important to give me another set of parents that I know would do anything for me just as they do for their own 2 children. Thank you thank you thank you Mom and Dad!!! you forever changed my life and I love you so so so much!

March of this year was a very hard month, I couldnt believe that at that point my dad had been gone a year already. Where had time gone and how was I still kicking without him! There were many feelings during that time I cant even begin to explain!

Someone said to me tonight "I guess I am going to go hang out with my parents...blah" and I almost broke into tears cause I would give anything to hang out with my dad tonight. To be able to sit down and have a beer with him and bring the new year in. So many times people take things like that for granite! I would give anything to be able to share this night with him. To just share stories and memories from the last year! I love you and miss you so much Dad, you are in my thoughts every single day! There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about you and miss you! Thank you for all you did and continue to do! You will forever be my popeye!!!


I feel like last year was filled with so much adventure that this blog is not going to even compare to last years. In that I learned so much in 2011 I wouldnt have it any other way!


2012 has many great adventures for me to begin with right off! New relationships, many new first with friends and family! A new baby to call me nanny ash is right around the corner! Parasailing and disneyland as well as my first tattoo.... I am going big or going home! This one is for you dad!!! I love you!!!

New Years Resolutions:
Continue to work out and live a healthier life style!
Make lasting memories with my friends and family
Smile more
Live with my heart and not through my head!
Share my beautiful and talents with those around me!
Love & be loved!!!

All the pics are of me TODAY!!!! Enjoy

Welcome to 2012 everyone! I love you all and am so thankful for you! :D Cant wait to make many memories to come!

Christmas!!!

This holiday started out as a very hard one for me to digest this year, I really really missed my dad and for the first time was experiencing it without my friends and family. I am not going to try and say that I was strong the whole way through cause I was far from it, there were some tears that fell from my eyes and a couple moments over the last two days that I just had to step away and take some time by myself; however this was one of the most beautiful Christmases I got to experience in my life. I am so thankful to be so warmly welcomed into a home and a family that teaches me so many great lessons and really allows me to see life in a completely new light. I grew up in a home where I knew my dad loved my mom and I knew my mom loved my dad they worked as a team. I saw my parents fight but I also saw them make up. My dad was not scared to wash dishes or vacuum and my mom was not scared to mow the lawn or take out the trash they worked as a team. As I got older it became the norm to see all my friends parents getting divorced and as I got even older to see my friends starting to get divorced. For as long as I could remember I have wanted to get married and have a family! I wanted the BEAUTIFUL wedding and the happily ever after. When I started to see everyone I loved so dearly going through divorce or long term relationships ending I became VERY weary of the fact and for the last little while didn't know if marriage was really what I wanted. I was quoted many times saying, "I don't want to date because I don't want to get married, it just ends in divorce and unhappiness." I was terrified I would become another statistic in a not so positive bucket, so I was staying as far away from that as I possibly could. My life and perspective on life changed the minute I took this job as a nanny. I walked into a home filled with so much love, so much love that I didnt even get to really grasp it when I was going home every night I really got to see the beauty of it when I was here full time. For the first time in a long time I got to see a love so very pure and sweet honestly something that opened my heart and eyes to what can be. I am not saying that Cameron and Amy are perfect or that they act like the whole world is great I am saying it is REAL. When the times are tough they are tough and when they are good they are good. It is beautiful. It is so reassuring to see a guy open the door for his wife, or take her on dates, it is beautiful to see Cameron & Amy with their babies. Elia & Nixon are so very lucky to have such beautiful loving people for their parents. The love that they have for their little ones no matter how hard it gets you can still fill it throughout the house. Watching Elia & Nixon grow has quickly entered my list of one of the things I am most grateful for. When I was crying last night downstairs alone while Cameron & Amy put the babies to bed I really got to reflect on where the feelings were coming from. As I wiped my tears Amy came walking down the stairs with Nixon (who has been a little stinker the last couple days) cause he wanted a bottle, I got to take him from her and just snuggle this little boy who had been crying in my arms and just love him, when his big blue eyes looked up at me and smiled everything was okay. It is such a humbling experience that they know me, they know that I love them, and I know they can feel the love. It is BEAUTIFUL!!!! and it is hard. I nannied for 5 kids, and after walking away from that I said, "yep i still want 5 kids," when people would ask how many kids I wanted I would say 5. That was a conversation I had with all my exs and was very clear on. Today I am so thankful for the life lessons I have been taught as Elia & Nixon's nanny. I am totally ok having 1-2 kids 3 max... Wow I never thought I would say that and actually mean it! Trust me I mean it!!!! Thank you god for helping me see this.

Today was a day filled with joy, love, tears and many new life experiences. I got to go to the beach on Christmas and relax in 75 degree weather. Doesnt get better then that! I was included in every part of the families daily activities. I am so thankful... We did things a little different then what I am used to and wow was it fun... When we woke up we opened our stockings from Santa and had cinnimon roles. We got to lounge around make appitizers all day and just be together. We walked to the beach and the babies got to put their feet in the ocean for the first time, what a precious moment that was and I loved being part of it. Cameron and Amy when shopping for the babies this year since they couldnt open their gifts shopped seperately and the other parent opened the gifts they bought. It was so fun!!! Nixon & Elia sure are loved... After we got the babies down it was time for a not so traditional dinner of ham and mashed potatoes but o my goodness amazing. We had osso bucco & rasoto for dinner followed by red velvet cream cheese cupcakes and I can say you all should be jealous it was DELICIOUS!!! We then had adult present time and it was so fun! I know I am loved and I love them all in return. I honestly don't feel like a nanny I really feel like a part of this family. I know that I can turn to Cameron & Amy for anything. Really I am truly blessed.

Thank you to everyone for standing in support of me and loving me! I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas filled with lots of memories!!!

I will attach some pics for everyone to see! Love You all!!!

 These are AMAZING sand sculptures in the St.Regis which is right by our house!!! Yes it is real sand!!! AMAZING

 Me at the beach on a beautiful 75 degree day!!! Everyone was there today!

 Just me!!!

Our delicious cupcakes!!! SO GOOD!!!

Life is beautiful and amazing and always changing! You would think by now I would be used to change and it would not shock me as much as it does, but nope still shocked! This last week life has made an unexpected turn a great one but it came straight up out of left field! My heart is full and I am happy!!! I feel like I am growing and learning so much every single day that I am here!!! I fall more in love with life and all that has been given to me and the people who are in my life.

I totally thought I knew where life was going who would be by my side and what I was doing, well....... in a very loving and crazy way I was shown other wise!

Got to do some more first here in Cali this last couple weeks, I got to watch the sunset over the ocean and it was AMAZING and so beautiful, I got to go to the San Diego Zoo which I have wanted to do for the longest time, and seeing as I went to the San Diego Zoo I of course got to go to San Diego. I also got to experience the best hamburger of my life here at a place called Vine! I never ever want to eat at burger king or carls jr again! Coming home to Utah is going to be a hard thing! One of my good friends was here in Cali this week so I got to have lunch with him 2 times and it was so great to see him and get a little bit of back home! We ate at a place called K'ys and it is on a rooftop right next to the ocean! All I can say is beautiful! Thank you Braxton, I loved spending time with you and getting to see you.

Cameron and Amy are so amazing and I am so thankful for them! They always do everything they can to make sure I feel included and I know that I can turn to both of them for anything (even boy troubles)! I feel like a part of the family and feel so blessed to get to watch Nixon and Elia learn and grow! Can life get better then this? I am sure it can and I love where I am at right now!

For so long I have been hearing how beautiful oceanside and San Diego are and how breath taking, how they are the amazing and stunning and after seeing them I want to ask people if they have ever been to Orange County! I am so blessed to live in the area that I live in! it is the most beautiful part of Southern California that I have ever seen! Nothing beats the beaches or the views of Dana Point and Laguna Beach! I am so so so blessed!!!

Today has been a little bit of a rough day with the emotions, it would have been my dads 50th Birthday and I cant believe he is not here to share it with us! What I would give to wrap my arms around him and tell him how much I love him! I cant believe this is his second birthday gone and that the two year mark for his passing is just around the corner! I really really miss him and hope and pray he sees all the happiness I am getting to experience in my life! I love you so much dad!!! Happy 50th Birthday!!!

I am back to All dark now and I love it!!!

I miss everyone back home a lot and I am so thankful for your love and support! At first I wondered why I felt such a strong need to move and the last 3 weeks I have been here I have seen why! This last week has been such a 180 with a couple things in life that i dont know would have happened had I stayed! So thank you for all the love and support!

 This is a ice skating ring with palm trees around it!!! LMAO

 Out shopping at the outdoor mall

 Huge Farris Wheel that i did not ride on!!!

 Me at the beach!

 My feet in the water, it was kind of cold!

 I am so happy here!

 When this picture was taken it was 65+ degrees outside and the people here think it is cold! lmfao!

So not alot has happened this week other then I have been soaking up the sun and just in a beautiful place! This blog entry is going to be pictures that speak for themselves and a couple videos!!! Love & miss you all!!!

First day at the beach

I don't know what more to say then I am in love with this place! I got to see the ocean for the first time today. I got to feel the sand between my toes and the cold water splashing on my feet. 

What a very peaceful and calming experience that made me fall in love with life in a whole new way! I want to find all the words that could express how I was feeling today as we took a drive up PCH, for those who don't know that is Pacific Coast Hwy but there just are no words to fully express how I was feeling. 

Back home I love being able to drive up the canyon and see the beautiful trees and just be in nature and honestly even that does not give me the calm beautiful feelings that I felt today! I felt so close to nature and connected to life in a way that i never have! As I sat there and tried to ponder my emotions that were going on it took all I had not to just cry. It was amazing! Such a love that I felt just driving down the road, it is such a quaint little (big) area. Everything is so close and there are people every where and at first I thought that would drive me insane but o my goodness it is just amazing! I feel like on my days off next week I am going to put some flip flops on and just walk the streets of Dana Point and Leguna Beach! okay okay i might take the bus some places but I just want to get out and be in that environment! I have not ever felt so good about something in my life! Another thing that was so sweet and special to me is while I was on the sand with the waves splashing at my feet I felt very close to my dad it was like he was right there smiling at the joy that it was bringing me being there! I have felt closer to him today then I have since shortly after he died. I know he is sharing in my joys and is right by my side! Such a humbling and warming experience today! 

I of course had to send a picture to my loved ones back home and along with the text I sent Brandon I said I will totally be okay just having one kid maybe two if I get to live here and feel this amazing everyday of my life! I know i keep saying this but there is no other word other then PEACE. I am so so so in love with it here!!! 

As I have gotten older it has been a VERY strong desire of my heart to go to the beach and today I am so thankful that the first time I saw and got to experience the Ocean was when I was 22. If I would have been raised with this as a part of my everyday life I dont think I would feel about it as i feel about it today! 

 My feet in the sand for the first time

 Water right at my feet

 I am so happy if you cant tell!!!

AMAZING!!! 

I am so blessed!

I never thought a trip to Target would be such an adventure! One thing I miss is Utah's grid system! We Utahans are lucky people to have such a thing. I got to know some of the roads and experience them while Amy was driving. Cameron and Amy are so helpful and concerned about me being able to get around and enjoying my time here! They both are always taking time to point things out and answer any questions that I have. 

So I have to say I have been spoiled with the Targets in Utah! It is not that the one here is Ghetto but really I don't know how to describe it compared to what I am used to back home! on top of that they are disorganized heck the people have 2 baby sections on like opposite sides of the store! Come on now who does that! 

Later Thursday night it was my turn to brave the roads and head out and see what I could find. The goal was a Chase Bank and a grocery store! Guess what I did it! yep i did and I did it without a GPS. I made it home safe and sound and felt very accomplished. We have this store here called Trader Joe's and it was such a cute little grocery store and the people were so nice! Never have I seen anything like it back home, it just really fits the environment here and is just so sweet! 

I am absolutely loving it here, I love waking up to a warm breeze through my window and green grass and trees. Tomorrow I am taking my first morning run and I am very excited to see where it takes me! I miss all my friends and family back home and think about you often! Love & Light to all!!!

 This is a very common in our house throughout the day! Door wide open windows open enjoying the beautiful weather and the dogs coming and going as they please!

 Our cute Christmas tree!!!

 This is our front yard! I love having the grass and trees!

Our cute rocking chairs on the front porch! So beautiful

Beautiful California

We flew out today at 2pm and up until we were in the air my head and heart were racing with a million emotions, heck who am I kidding they still are!!! I miss my loved ones so much already. I miss Brandon's fingers between mine and being able to kiss him or that me and Jessica were sitting on her bed watching prison break or Kristy and I were making jokes with the waiter while eating dinner! I am so blessed to have the people that I have in my life and the continued love and support they give me!

As everyone knows I have been VERY excited about this new adventure since I decided that I was going! As it got closer I started to get nervous and really wonder what I was doing! Dont get me wrong I love Cameron and Amy and the babies so very much and it was never anything to do with them! I just knew i was really going to miss those closest to me alot! Brandon and I started falling in ways neither of us expected and my heart was filled with so much love. I have the fear of the what if, and I have to remind myself to live in the "NOW"

The Flight was beautiful! The babies were amazing and it was just relaxing! It is SOOOOO green here! I love Palm Trees and I find it extremely funny seeing Christmas decorations all over and there is no white stuff and I can just go swimming in the ocean! It is such a different world here!!! There are streets everywhere and cars and WOW!!! It has been a great afternoon and am super excited for the next 4 months!!! I took some pics today and wanted everyone to see!!! I love you all so much and miss you already!

 This is me on the plane!!!

 Look how cool the clouds were

 BEAUTIFUL!!!

 The private jet we flew on! Let me tell you when I saw this thing I got really worried! for the last 3 weeks I have been having these horrible dreams that we were going to die on the way here and then seeing how much smaller this plane was compared to commerical ones i just about lost it! I couldnt say that though cause Amy is terrified of flying and I couldnt worry her and I needed to be strong and supportive and I was and we all were fine!!!

 My nice comfy bed with bright colors!

My cute little sitting area in my room to just relax and read books! I love the chair it is so cute!!!